You know, I never realized just how many cowards there are in this world. So many who walk away from any real confrontation or stance.
My world has been shaped by this community of punk rock and hardcore music. A collective of misfits who came together and bonded over frustrations and insecurities - even if we won’t freely admit it. So when someone in my world, of my mindset, begins to display aggressively passive behaviors to things we all agree are fucked, it’s beyond disappointing.
Today we read that Steve from New Found Glory was arraigned on multiple charges of child molestation and counts of child porn on his computer. And almost as quickly as people were erupting in outrage, there was a small group of people out there immediately defending him. And it made me think - why? Why are people so quick to defend something so serious. Something that we know is so offensively common in our world. And what I realized is that it’s not so much that he was in a band they liked as much as it is that they are cowards.
Oh sure, the band had a lot to do with it. I mean, if you found out the guy who handed you your latte every morning was arraigned on multiple counts of child molestation you probably wouldn’t want to see him much less defend him. So why? Because you know multiple charges like that don’t just appear out of nowhere. But this has more to do with people being terrified to confront that what they know is wrong. We all would like to pretend that the people we know and the things we bought into over our lifetime is real and true because if it wasn’t, well then, that means we got fooled. And no one likes being the fool.
I know this because one of my my best friends of 20 years recently got accused of rape for the 4th time. And that’s four times too many. He was pulled into the police station and questioned but there was no evidence because the victim, who had the courage to walk into a police station and give a statement, unfortunately waited too long so he was let go. And just like that he’s back on the streets. Going to shows. Walking the sidewalks. Chatting with friends and even still employed as a security guard at one of Chicago’s most prominent venues. I’m sure this will get back to him at some point and I say, I don’t give a fuck. I believed in him and I was fooled. I’ve seen the damage and months of trauma in the eyes of his most recent victims and I chose to draw a line in the sand. I’m here - and rapist and rape-apologists are over there. I chose to cut ties with multiple people who support him. People I was GOOD friends with. Why? Not because they’re simple cowards, but because they have weak hearts. Because they choose to go on shaking his hand and asking about his day and when you do that, you’re saying “I don’t believe you” to his victims. And call me crazy, but I actually believe in this community. One that bonds over the fucked up matters in this world and actively raises and hand that says “I want no part of that.” And when you brush the darkest parts of humanity, rape and child abuse, under the rug because the accused is in a “cool band” or they “play sports really well” or “well, they’re nice to me” - you become part of the problem.
I was a victim of child abuse. And maybe that is why I take this so seriously. And maybe that’s why you don’t. Because maybe you were never a five year old boy that had to live through it. Because you never had to have someone NOT believe you. And maybe it’s because you never knew what it was like when your father was laughing and shaking hands and singing along to songs and having friends over for dinner when you knew how dark and rotten of a human being he was at night.
If there is one thing that I need you to take away from this is RAPISTS AND CHILD MOLESTERS DON’T LOOK LIKE RAPISTS AND CHILD MOLESTERS! They look like your friends or your doctors or your bus drivers or your moms or your dads or like ANYONE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD! Rapists and child molesters laugh and sing and dance and drink beer and eat pizza just like you! So just because you say to yourself, “Well, I mean, he was nice to me!” Doesn’t mean shit to the victim. I’ve met Steve from NFG a few times, I have hung out with Ian Watkins from Lost Prophets and I lived with my father for years and guess what? They were all really nice guys - until they thought they could get away with the crime of taking advantage of a child.
Your apathy isn’t cool or edgy or punk.
It’s a trite and old joke that only shows just how insincere you truly are.
“If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything” is all bullshit rhetoric if when it comes time to take a real stance and draw a line in the sand you would rather take the path of least resistance. And I don’t want those people in my life. When you know rape statistics (2-6% account for false claims) which means roughly there’s a 94% chance an accused rapist is guilty, combined with the fact that you know MOST victims never press charges, why would you NOT choose to believe a victim?
Because most people are fucking cowards and don’t back up their words. And while that infuriates me, it’s worse for the victims. Because when you immediately back a “famous dude” - you’re telling that five year old boy, that 14 year old girl, that 21 year old woman, that they are a liar.
And that makes you a goddamn shameful coward.
pixiepunch
lornrocks
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